TEENAGE DIARIES: Quaranteen — Valley Doll Magazine

By Sunny Keller

As much as I want to be living the teenage dream, I want to have a relevant part in this turn of the century. My junior year, COVID-19 and the Black Lives Matter movement are on the syllabus.

Once you finish school, age doesn’t matter anymore. I never heard an adult say “Oh I remember when I was 32!” but they can tell you about their first girlfriend at 16 like it was yesterday. School is the schedule of our teenage lives. We have 180 days of studying and cheating to get the validation of a letter that determines our futures followed by “summer break” and then do it all over again. Our age is determined by our grade and each grade is a chapter. You’ll always remember what you did summer of junior year; a shitty summer job, losing some kind of virginity, being able to drive, and maybe figuring out where the heck you can afford to go to college. Without these milestones, you might as well stay a preteen forever.

High school is a 4 year-long story of firsts and trying to rebel under your parents’ roof. As minors, everything is planned out for us. Go to school, make friends, practice for the SAT, take the SAT, get into college, and then move out. Pretty simple right? So when a GLOBAL FUCKING PANDEMIC HIT we had no clue what to do. The teachers who had been controlling us for the past years didn’t even know what to do. Our president didn't know what to do...but that wasn’t really a surprise. I don’t think any of us realized how much we relied on the guidance of old people, as much as I hate admitting it. I also realized that teachers have feelings?! Just kidding, but seeing them just as lost made me more sympathetic while also solidifying my goal to never become a teacher when I grow up. Mad respect for teachers though. Transitioning from my creative arts boarding school in the mountains to Zoomed online school hit me like a ….. 17 classes in 10 different time zones on my laptop laying on the couch with no pants on in my parent’s garage (my Grandma was now living in my old bedroom) was not how I envisioned my Junior Year. Finally closing my laptop at the end of whatever day it was didn’t have the same satisfaction as finishing a test and walking out of the classroom and into the fresh air to hang out with my friends; it was like there was no reward for my hard work. I finished two months of online school and then summertime!!! I celebrated by walking the sixteen steps into the house for yet another family dinner in my home.

That’s when it hit me; this is my last summer before becoming a so-called adult with responsibilities. Instead of following in the footsteps of all my favorite coming of age movie cliches I have to stay self-motivated and obtain self-control for the safety of my family. I can’t roll the windows down while playing “Tongue Tied” driving 90 on the PCH. (Not that I would do that anyway, I’m too edgy). But something about being totally restricted to do so makes me yearn for it even more.

As much as I want to be living the teenage dream, I want to have a relevant part in this turn of the century. My junior year, COVID-19 and the Black Lives Matter movement are on the syllabus. Being a social media activist isn’t as satisfying as marching the streets for justice, but it’s what those of us living with our parents and grandparents have to accept. Yes, my screen time is too embarrassing to even check, but most of the time spent on Instagram is going through every hashtag and story finding petitions to sign, people to call, and places to donate...and scrolling through Tik Tok...but we don’t need to talk about that. In the age of art and technology, we need to make our mark creatively and efficiently. Even though I can’t be in school, I’m using this time to work towards the change I want to see when I’m able to come back to the classroom. Climate Reality Project is a climate change awareness group that I’ve teamed up to help launch the Green Schools Campaign; fighting for all schools to rely on 100% clean renewable energy. I’ve used my background in film (school) to help with editing their launch videos to connect with kids and schools across the world so that we can make a significant impact.

When the world feels like it's ending and everything is bigger than us, it’s hard to keep track of what’s big in our lives. It’s been hard to maintain relationships in these past four months, especially when your parents won’t let you hug your boyfriend because it might kill your Grandma...who’s sleeping in your bed. Being isolated and relying on Facetime and text gives you perspective about the kind of people you want to associate with. I figured out that I enjoy some people’s physical presence more than their conversation and vice versa. Being with my family 24/7 taught me a kind of patience I never imagined I’d be able to achieve. Sure, I cannot wait to leave when I turn 18, but I also got a lot closer to everyone at home.

For my Senior year, I want to see the beauty in everything I took for granted, but even more, I want to be a part of the changes in the world that will shape the future for everyone. Gen Z is about to save all of your asses so don’t underestimate us...but if you see me on my phone when we’re able to be face to face, slap it out of my hand and stomp on it. Not kidding.